back in gabon
in all the familiar faces
the coasts and tourists
the green and black forest
you are missing
studying engineering in berlin
maybe a stewardess with air france
some say a budding dancehall diva in norway
a year since you were home
you hid then
people coming on foot to hear electric tales of europe
an ex boyfriend who hoped to marry you
whizzes you through the streets of libreville
he smiles all day looking at you
but you need heroin
you accuse him of wanting too much
curse him for being so naïve and native
you say you are sick and need to go home
he asks if he makes you sick
you tell him africans make you sick
in munich
one man came to you
he said he wanted a black girl
to lay in his house among the expensive things
there was ivory in the tall rooms
and bantu fertility statues
he was learning fong phonetically
you taught him to say pussy
his blonde hair was long
every night his gaunt body pressed into yours
he made you love with his german women friends
one night while drinking
he played with your tit and asked for your arm
he said this would make your orgasm deeper
he said trust him
bastille day in paris
two men
took you to a small apartment
you pleased them both
the tall one asked you about hitler
he asked if africans bathed
he called you a fucking gorilla
you lacked the language to defend yourself
they called you bitch in four languages
spat tobacco on you
one had a rope
the other closed the windows
one’s penis was erect
-it hurt they way they took you
you lost their conversation in the horror
blood on the floor and wall
and in their pubic hair
a train station
replete with africans
they were deporting them en masse
everyone complaining about their belongings
about french nazism
children were watching the blacks
their mothers pointed and explained that
they were criminals come to steal
you heard them say “immoral and lazy”
then this woman’s eyes came to you
all the africans at attention in the lineup
this woman and her daughter examining their blue tar skins
she knelt down to be sure
pointed at you
the child readied for the information
“that one is a whore
like the one that robbed and stabbed alex
she corrupts the promising young men
she kills the mother country”
she said
“look dear and remember her all your life”
the little girl catalogued your face
placed it in a nightmare populated with violent blacks
all the monsters moved toward the clerk
the woman began to leave
the dangling little girl looking back at you
remembering
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