the line is long

there are three kids waiting at home
disobedient and lazy
one who looks so much like his father
that you have dreamt he hit you
the meanness
the way he asks for things
or stands in the doorway waiting

there are the neighbors
who start their activity at 8pm
in and out a thousand times
and let the security gate fall shut
talking from the balcony
fighting
smoking shirtless on the steps
listening through the wall
and expanding expanding

and because of them
your kids can’t go out of the apartment
such a simple desire
they want to play
go down the street
run
but sometimes there is blood downstairs
and someone had broken the gate
so the dopeheads can enter
the grass is gone
the picnic table is a gang summit

downstairs someone has moved a girl in
she has no name
in january she had no jacket and a black eye
yet she followed him everywhere
you saw her lose half her body weight
her eyes have lost their color
yet the boys light on her back like vultures
some nights you hear them
each one taking his turn
next the slamming of the gate
then a sketch of radio in the brawling silence
and your little girl is sweet
just big eyes and smile
and an easy way of reaching to the world
this is her gift
and it is her hazard
one man looked at her
and she responded with her innocent love
his brown eyes were unsure at first
his pitted cheeks shook and settled
like a greasy spinning plum
and he smiled back at her
a hungry smile full of ashen teeth and desire

and there is a car every 10 minutes
with a planet subwoofer
a hemisphere of profanity
sideways in the street
calling to someone upstairs
and they call back down several times
and behind that car three other cars are waiting
but he won’t let them pass
nor will he pass on

and there is the neighbor
who thinks she is your friend
and talks of high school aged boys sexually
who goes to the night club 4 nights a week
despite her four children
she has money for marijuana
but none for ground beef
her hunger is criminal
you can feel it
she takes things
money items
space and time
and of course needs a ride everywhere
introduces you at the store
as her bitch
in a community kind of way
and if you say no
what happens?
she is a vehement enemy offended at the marrow
and if you say I can’t
i don’t have time
what happens?
what of the children?
what fragile peace will you have mortgaged?

and there’s the woman across the street
who doesn’t like you
who thinks you want her man
who has never spoken to you
and stares you down
who has tried to walk past you
and knock into your shoulder
and gets wide when you exit your car
her little ones are disrespectful now
she wants to fight you in front of the children
one night she was drunk
screaming
“a stuck up bitch drives this car
and she gonna get her ass beat”
so the screw driver in the cupboard
says carry me
the culling knife small enough to fit in the sleeve
sometimes in the mirror
the survivor in you practices stabbing her
and keeping cool
sometimes you cry thinking
what this place is creating in you
thinking of your children
them having to face this woman
and her eyeless brood

there is no money anywhere
just the dull allotments
the wage that
cancels itself out
confusion in a country of desire
dollar tree canned goods
and three liter sodas
the kids want everything
the candy
but you have come to think of meals
how to make the ground beef last
the dollar tree frozen waffles

the car has been knocking
this morning it started on the 8th try
a headlight is out
your eldest has been suspended from school
and down at the clinic
there are a thousand people
just sitting about
drowning in the terrible wait
the clinic wants 45 dollars you don’t have
your little girl’s fever has muted her with heat
and the women who work there are arrogant
they parade about among the trash
speaking in that diplomatic monotone
that veils their disgust
they wont touch you
they lay the forms on the counter
when you ask for a pen
they point to one on a chain
they hope you go away
the welfare dept hopes you go away
the cashier looking at your EBT card
the middle classed women who
mingle with you at the bank downtown
at the stop lights hope you go away
and take your children
your elderly
your bloated ankles and fevers
your scoliosis your impacted teeth
your bad skin your ringworm your obesity
the spider bites on your dirty arm
and die